(This is a second scene from the screenplay of the movie version of ‘Nicole Kidman stars in: The Astronaut Dropped’, starring Nicole Kidman (as herself) and Julianne Moore (Kidman on a budget) as the remarkable Stephanie Fey. This scene is dedicated to Nevine Sultan of ‘Dreams, Deliriums, and Other Mind Talk’, who specifically asked for another blog post of this kind.)
TWO. INTERIOR – STEPH’S LIVING ROOM IN MORDAN HOUSE. DAY
The living room of Stephanie Fey in Mordan House is tidy but shabby. All different kinds of furniture and different kinds of ornaments can be seen; the wallpaper also contains different styles on different walls. The carpet is a bizarre dark floral affair and the ceiling is cracked and with flaking paint. There is one large window in the room that looks onto the gravel driveway at the front of the house. There is a closed door that leads to Stephanie's bedroom and, at the other side of the room, a square archway opening onto a short corridor. Stephanie is taking her time in getting dressed, considering her appearance more than usual. She is also wearing make up. Nicole Kidman is present in the room. Her face wears an expression of incredulity.
No, no, no! Absolutely no way! There’s just no possible, conceivable way you can do that! What are you? Crazy?
(Momentarily stops buttoning her blouse)
Uh, yes, actually. You telling me you hadn’t noticed?
(Looks down at her feet and lowers her voice)
(Regains her sense of irritation)
But, still, of all the crazy things to do!
I’ve done crazier things.
(Looks towards the window)
Granted. You have.
(Looks back at Steph)
But, sweet buggery, this? This!
Calm down. You’re scaring your puppies.
(Kidman looks down at her breasts, then looks up, confused)
Not to mention your eyebrows. Your nose, even!
(Puts her hand up to her nose defensively)
Don’t criticise my ENP. My eyebrows, nose and puppies are most perfectly aligned, thank you very much.
(Points her finger at Steph)
And don’t you try to change the subject!
(Stops putting on a pair of shoes to look at Kidman purposefully but calmly)
There’s no subject to be changed. The subject is set. It’s not for being changed.
(Continues putting her shoes on)
Anyway, what other choice do I have?
(Sits down on a chair and leans towards Steph)
Well, that’s a given! Indeed you are a woman who has very limited choices in life, Steph. Yes, looking at you and your circumstance, you do seem rather lacking in fruitful possibilities. Let's face it, shit does have a tendency to choose you. Bad dress sense chooses you also!
(Steph looks up, perplexed)
Solitude chooses you certainly. God, even the ghosts of the dead choose you! Yes, admittedly, good choices would appear to be pretty thin on the ground for Stephanie Fey. But, that said, you can't possibly do that!
StephSteph tries to calm herself and finishes putting on her shoes.
Don’t ruin this for me!
KidmanSteph takes her coat from where it lies on a sofa and starts to put it on.
Look, I think it’s laudable that you want to go out and speak to people. Even if it is contrary to what you promised yourself when you entered this house. But surely this is too much! Too much even for you, Steph!
StephSteph looks away, looking instead for a handbag. She finds it, and as she moves towards the archway and the short hallway on the other side she glances back at Kidman. Kidman is crouched over a chair, her face pushed down into a pillow on the seat and her bum raised high in the air towards Steph.
(While not looking at Kidman)
Yes, it is laudable. Absolutely it is. And, surely, that’s all that matters.
(Steph looks over at Kidman who is looking out of the window)
Are you listening?
(Kidman doesn’t reply)
No, you’re not. All the more reason to go out and speak to someone else.
(Raises her voice in Kidman’s direction)
Someone who will listen!
(Kidman puts her fingers in her ears)
Jeez, Kidman! You’re imaginary! You don’t need ears to listen – you could listen with your ass if you wanted to!
What are you doing now?
(Voice muffled by the pillow)
Right, I’m going.
(Springing up from the chair)
Fine! Go and speak to Janey Ormsley about the history of this house, and be generally insulted by her without learning anything at all!
(Steph moves into the hallway and towards the door to her suite of rooms)
While you’re there, at least ask her why she has a dog's testicle on her face!
(Steph moves towards the front door of Mordan House)
It's called a goiter.
And ask her when she's going to do something about that great sagging hernia that jangles when she moves. Oh, I loathe how it jangles!
(Now walking across the gravel towards her car)
It's a bum bag.
(Stands still at the front door)
And don’t forget your ENP. You’re going to need it. Eyebrows. Nose. Pebbles!
(Doesn't look round, instead simply mutters acerbically)
Next instalment: 44. That Bitch Ormsley